Things Feel Fast

 

I think the only way to keep this column interesting every two to three weeks is to mix inspired posts with things going on in life. When I’m feeling inspired, perfect. When not, just stream of consciousness the day-to-day stuff.

Lean in to the self-indulgence.

Right now I’m lying in bed in a state of physical and emotional exhaustion. Writing is the first and last thing on my mind, but if I just type…..

Event photography is back, for the moment, beyond pre-pandemic levels. The number of last-minute calls from panicked planners whose primary job requirement should be to call a photographer more than a week in advance; watching so much energy in the air, but also feeling collective burnout brewing.

Both can be true at the same time. Things feel too fast.

I’m not trying to brag or flex (I think I may actually enjoy the word flex), but I’m getting more excited to write because I can lean into examining a couple of decades.

Twenty years ago, I figured I was in a good place to build a career in photography. I hated school, its structure and rigidity, and the prospects of a traditional career loomed. So it’s not like I had much of a choice anyway.

In 2002, my Sophomore year of college, I downloaded a bootleg copy of Photoshop to make fake NY IDs for myself and friends. My engineer roommates and I tested glues and papers until they were perfect. I didn’t plan on selling them until everyone wanted one, or two. $50 a pop, $10,000 in cash under my bed a year later, an article in the local paper about IDs flooding the city, and I stopped cold. It was never meant to be a job, it was just fun helping friends go to the bars a couple of years early. I used much of the cash for a camera and some lenses and got a summer job assisting.

Anyway, when I graduated I figured I was in a good place to build a business. I loved to write, I was a computer science minor and could figure out that end of things, and could live at home in a city with tons of opportunity. As an ADD child, being unleashed from the confines of school was so freeing and the thought of having to go into the normal working world and schedule was so traumatic that I… grinded.

It’s hard to kick that mentality because this career is wonderful but unrelenting. You always feel a misstep, literally, from the bottom falling out.

I can’t tell anyone how to make a living as a photographer, everyone’s situations are so nuanced and different, and I’m beginning to get kinda old (I think that’s how you officially describe 42). That and I can’t explain how hard it was to pull off even with each of the above advantages. The goalposts move fast.

I was an upper-middle-class-feral-kid with loving and supportive parents, who were also kinda lost in their worlds. That’s like 95% on the career-fair-going-to-be-a-photographer scale. The other 5% is probably a dealer of some sort.

At this moment, I’m sure there are many hundreds of young photographers just in NY alone figuring out new ways to get work, with a chance to pull it off.

Google was the king for getting jobs when I started. And honestly, it still is at the moment. I wrote anywhere I could back then, both for the writing experience and to help me be seen favorably by the Google gods. It was the only game.

I figured as an intermediate photographer I’d be in a good place to hone my writing to beginners. Only a twinge of imposter syndrome. And it helped to write about things I wanted to learn. Honestly, I think you were probably at a disadvantage back then if you were an expert because that type of writing was beneath you, and it was probably tougher to understand what people and this new ecosystem wanted.

I think I did a good job with the early writing. I put so much into it, but I cringe a lot. On the internet, your cringes stay forever, and there was a time when it felt like an insatiable machine that I was feeding to survive (it was). But realistically, if you try to do anything in any way related to an artistic endeavor, you have to learn to love (or at least appreciate) cringing. Art is usually about being uncomfortable.

As social media progressed I mostly stayed away, delved in half-heartedly and uncomfortably. It’s funny because I feel so comfortable through this type of sharing, but I never felt comfortable with putting myself out there with quips and the instant nature of the online conversation. Even commenting on blog posts makes me uncomfortable. But I’m not knocking people who are good at it. Many photographers translate to social media so well that you feel like you know them.

A Marvelous Order (a Robert Moses / Jane Jacobs Opera!), Josh Frankel.

Actually… maybe that’s a bit generous. I’m thinking now of what drives me to the apps. Beyond the general photobook ecosystem and fun photographers, maybe there are only four people on the photo side who primarily get me to check social regularly? I’m just talking about social and not blogs or newsletters. I’ll name-drop, you should follow:

Blake Andrews: Encyclopedic knowledge of photobooks and you can tell he’s interested in the people behind the books as well. Measured, open, nuanced, politely tough, nonreactionary. Regularly shares super interesting books, both classic, new, and obscure. IG, Blog

Bryan Formhals: Urbanism, war on cars (two of my joys as you’re probably aware), photography underlies broad interests and constantly fascinating ruminations. Threads, Newsletter, IG.

Andy Adams: Able to push through the detritus of social media to foster the feeling of community and passion in photography – something I questioned whether possible through these avenues. Energetic scale to what he’s created and hard work mixed with a humble Midwest vibe. Threads, Newsletter, IG.

Noah Kalina: You don’t know what to expect next, and a perfect example of how to integrate photography into your life without it being the only thing. Also, he’s constantly finding fascinating things to do and photograph in the middle of the woods. One of the few people who makes me (very slightly) question my hardheadedness of the beauty of city life being best. Threads, Newsletter, IG.

I imagine some photographers have figured out TikTok. You have to jump on the train somewhere.

But this didn’t start with computers, it just sped things up. Large format road trips, for example, massive Düsseldorf prints, Japanese grain, typologies, street photography, etc. There have always been trends, and this doesn’t at all diminish the nuanced work in these very broad fields and subtypes, but some get so successful right away that they stick with a formula and never branch out. Humans of New York, etc. And often that formula gets stale and the bottom drops from under.

Hopefully they got their cash when they could.

If you can figure out how to make a living with events, it’s a very practical use of skills for anyone who has the street photography spirit (candid photos, quick hand-eye coordination, expressions, portraits, meeting people in impromptu uncomfortable situations, efficient editing).

But I stay away from weddings and personal events (thankfully I have the choice, many don’t). The weekends, weird situations, and intoxicated emotional people make it a tough mental environment over the long term. Instead, focusing on business type events, everyone at least tries to be professional. You learn cool things. The jobs are on weekdays. The companies have money and you can build regular clients over time. That’s an advantage of living in a conference city.

The downsides are the speed at which companies need photos these days and the relentless physical nature of the job (a good side as well of course, but you live in constant fear of a slipped disc or twisted ankle).

The reason for my current exhaustion is that over the last two weeks, I completed a three-day and four-day conference with two media companies that needed in-event jpegs and next-day edited selects.

Packed days, 30 minutes for lunch, panel after panel of people, paying attention for every half-funny joke to get full panels with smiles, taking photo after photo of each person mid-talking, trying to get a usable photo but mostly getting neck fat and spit, then running to the computer to upload and send the best.

I probably have a solid book in me of successful business people’s neck fat.

12-hour days, back at 9 or 10 pm, going through thousands of photos, using ImagenAI to cut down on 70% of the editing work but still having to fix its mistakes and select the best, maybe 500 of every 2000 shots, then delivering the selects at 3 am only to be up at 6:30 for another 12-hour day. It’s fun yet relentless.

You spend so much time basting in awkwardness that you learn to respect it. Maybe even enjoy it.

Thankfully you can charge a lot more for the late nights and when the job is done, it’s done. Drop the kid off then sleep half the day Friday. Sore for like three days. And most jobs thankfully don’t make you have to grind THAT much, but it’s happening more frequently. At least with Imagen, it’s an okay development.

When I do these jobs, I try to take on a persona. Joyful, separate from the hierarchy of the business world, and separate yet aware of the stress around me (even though I feel it). Some jokes or playful banter, eye contact, and an unrelenting smile. It helps others get comfortable around you. Whether you’re a CEO or a 24-year-old, I try to act and talk to you the same. And when they see the hard physical work, it comes together for a trusting environment.

Except with banks. Banks are so uptight and weird that I shut the hell up until I’ve gotten to know them, and even then. I made that mistake a few times. Banks…. what an alien environment.

Oh, and I forgot the hardest part about photographing events, keeping your shirt tucked in. I recommend a woven belt that can always tighten exactly through the oscillations of waist size.

It’s probably a necessary trait to grind if you want to make a living as a photographer in this modern environment. But I don’t believe in that hustle-bro philosophy. Getting lost in things has just been my ADD way of doing things, often to a significant fault. Half of what I talk to my shrink about is how I have to chill the fuck out.

Thankfully that is what writing this feels like… at least after the first few paragraphs.

And also, I need to stretch more.

If have any thoughts about your businesses (or anything), feel free to comment below or message me. I’ll try not to feel too uncomfortable with responding to comments!


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